Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Fat Betty & I.

Betty Francis, Weight Watchers member.*

I am officially a card carrying member of Weight Watchers.
Official. It's printed out, I've got the app on my phone and I'm watching my points.

If you know me, you might have noticed, I'm overweight. I'm the chubby mom in stretch pants I never wanted to be.
I might have this outfit.

We'll start from 5th grade, as most girls are well aware is when the proverbial "S&^%" hits the fan concerning our self-image. My mother graciously called it an "awkward phase". I will call it getting beat with the awkward stick. I gained weight, got some little boobies, my two front adult teeth were roughly the size needed for tree chewing (while my canines had been pulled too early and the adult teeth were no-shows), I had warts on my hands & under my nails. Thank you Jesus for the baggy pseudo-grunge look of the mid-90's!
Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder!

By the time I was 12, I had thinned out. I still had a few warts on my hands, my teeth were still gigantic, my eyebrows were in a downward spiral towards "caterpillar". I stayed thin until I was 15. Then I got mono. That mono triggered fibromyalgia. I plumped up, got sick, ended up in home study for awhile.
I stayed about the same weight all through high school. I was far more academic than sports oriented. If you have seen me attempt any sport, you will understand. I recently went through several high school pictures with my reunion coming up. I realized how BIG I was. I found a picture of me in a high school play, Dracula.
Jennifer and I in a Tony award worthy scene.
My graduation pictures are painful to look at. I literally look like a blueberry. I'm in all blue and my last name was Berry.

My Freshman year of college was different than most, I lost weight. I lost about 40 pounds. I was skinny! I was cute! I was single! I could wear a size 6 jeans. In May of 2004 I met Cameron. I was still looking pretty svelte. In fact, he and I had two pairs of jeans that we shared. No joke. It was an interesting time in the music scene. 
Halloween 2004, Cameron is me. He's wearing my clothes and make-up.
I happily married Cameron in October 2005 (after a bit of weight loss and toning up). Then, in March 2006 I found out I was pregnant! It was a shock. By the time Josiah was born, I weighed 220 pounds. You read that right. I choose to blame 8 lbs. 15 oz on Josiah. The rest is due to Del Taco.
This was the day I was let go from my job, I was  about 26 weeks.
I did a good job to lose the Josiah weight. Breastfeeding really helped. I was down to about 160 when I got pregnant with Mae.
We love Seattle and we love each other! October 2007.
I was really, really good about not overindulging when I was pregnant with Mae. I craved things like strawberries and feta cheese (together). I wanted vinegar on everything. I only gained about 30 pounds (9 pounds of that being Mae!). I started to lose it again quickly with breastfeeding and following around a 20 month old. In November of 2008, I started noticing this weird pain I would get in my chest. It would radiate around my entire torso. It would happen at night after I had a yogurt or something with a high fat content. On New Year's Day, I was sitting on my parent's living room floor going through kid's clothes my cousin had just brought for Josiah. All of a sudden I had one of the attacks, but it was like labor pain. My mom sat and did Lamaze breathing with me until Cameron got there to take me to the hospital. They sent me home with vicodin for pain and instructions to see my doctor. They should have admitted me. My gallbladder was about to burst. After a weekend of being sicker than I've ever been, I went to see my doctor. I had nothing in my belly. My milk was drying up for Mae. I only drank water to keep my milk up. Everything I tried to eat was thrown back up (by the time I was in the hospital, I was throwing up bile). I went to see my doctor and she sent me to the emergency room for emergency surgery. I spent the next four days in the hospital waiting for surgeries, not eating, etc. In about a week I lost 14 pounds.
I highly recommend the gallbladder removal diet!
I can't vouch for what I'm wearing, but check out the Newsboys.
When I left the hospital, I vowed not eat poorly, to keep the weight off. My poor eating habits had landed me in the hospital at the ripe old age of 24.

Did I do it? Did I stick to it? Nah.
Feb. 2010.  Song of Solomon conference with Mark Driscoll.
That basically brings us up to date on my chubby girl history.

I hate to see myself in pictures. I refuse to get family portraits with me in them. I have gone through Cameron's phone and deleted pictures of myself. My FB pictures are deceiving. I usually only take face pics. I also have this annoying rash on my inner thigh from my legs rubbing together in the heat. It's gross. It makes me think of The Simpsons where Bart dreams of being the fattest man in the world & he brags "I wash myself with a rag on a stick".

I'm tired of buying clothes and having the buttons gape. I'm sick of finding new varicose veins. I want to look good in lingerie for my husband. I want to be the mom that can go in the bounce house with her kids without feeling like every part of her body is jiggling.

I'm ready to feel good about my body.

Here's where I'm at and what my goals are:

*Deep breath* 
I currently weigh 180 pounds. 
My next goal in 10% loss at 162 pounds
My end goal is 135 pounds. 

I'm ready for the challenge. I have no one to blame but me. I owe this to myself, my husband and my children. I especially owe this to God. He made me. I should take care of my body for that very reason. I'm done being selfish.

*If you're keeping up with Mad Men you know that this season Betty Francis (formerly Draper) has gained weight and is now attending Weight Watchers meetings. For the first time ever, I relate to Betty on the show.


good+hardy said...

Good for you Leigh, what an inspiring post. I am in a similar place right now of feeling like something needs to be done - I don't want to be the chubby mom I feel like right now - and my loss goal is about the same amount as yours. Post again when you decide how you feel about the program!

Nicole Orr said...

Good for you! You are no Betty Draper by the way...and the difference is motivation for health and well-being, not vanity! Best wishes, and you can do it!

Blue Eyed Perspective said...

I don't know who Betty Draper is, but I know this about you Leigh...you have a big heart. That's what I notice about you!

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