Doctor's Appointment.

Going to a nephrologist today. If you're not familiar with that term, it's a kidney specialist. I've been sick since the middle of November. It's become progressively worse. I've actually lost about 10+ pounds (not so bad if you ask me) in the past two weeks & have no appetite. What started as a UTI has quickly become a baffling medical mystery. I have intense pain in my left flank that wraps around to my pelvis. I do have a stone in my kidney and probably have passed some grit. My cultures have come back for the most part normal. I can hardly make it though a day to do the stuff that I need to get done. I've been taking vicodin to quell the pain, but I'd like to be normal sans the medicine. I have exessive sweating, fire/volcano/death pee (that's a medical term) & swelling in my hands and feet. I've been seeing a fantastic Doctor (he's a DO, it's a more holistic approach to being a doctor. He's still a DOCTOR, but with a different way of diagnosing & treating) who is a Christian man & takes the time to listen. In all my experience with Doctors, I've noticed a lack of listening. In fact, before I found Dr. Lloyd, I was shrugged off by two other doctors. One told me flat out that I was too fat & couldn't distinguish between muscle pain and internal pain. Granted he was in Beverly Hills. Dr. Lloyd has been working with me to figure this out and sending me to recommended Doctors. While they found a cyst on my ovary, the OB/GYN declared it a red herring and sent me on my way. 

    I know it's not thrilling to read about medical issues, but I had to vent. I've spared most of the details & I'm not sure where this whole thing is going. Obviously my one certainty is Jesus. Regardless of the physical pain I feel or the mental/emotional instability of all of this, Christ is in charge. If you knew me in high school, you know that I went through a "medical mystery" that lasted for a year. I even had to show up to school in a wheel chair (Special shout out to Kym Talley, Aeron Brown & Josh Doney for being my wheel chair pushers). I know that during that time I was "refined". While I was still an incredibly immature person, my outlook on life changed dramatically. It didn't always help in the choices I made, but eventually it caught up with me. It gave me a better view of Christ & my relationship to him. It's a big reason I am so dead-set against the "Prosperity Gospel" or any "gospel" that preaches completeness and happiness here on Earth. Jesus never promised that. It's a real insult to me if you consider me faithless because I've not been healed.
 Paul had a thorn in his flesh, a reminder to not be conceited (2 Corinthians 12:7).  It's pretty humbling to hurt like this. It helps keep my humanity in perspective. It also keeps my priorities in order. Enjoying my husband and kids seems so much more crucial and I'm far more driven to be indulging every desire to read about Jesus.

  I found this fantastic article on The Resurgence called Why Physical Suffering Matters and here's a bit of it:

...the lessons and character-building that Christians can gain from suffering are very beneficial (Rom. 5:1-5; James 1:2-4). Indeed, Paul emphasizes the proper perspective on trials and afflictions of all types, including physical suffering (2 Cor. 4:16-18). Christians are to view trouble and heartache as “light momentary affliction.” This attitude is not a denial of the reality of suffering; afflictions are real, not illusory. But compared to what is to come—the glory of a future existence with Christ—the present, earthly troubles are relatively light and of brief duration. Indeed, a right estimation of the true worth of what is to come, and a resolute focus on that unseen reality, will help Christians to persevere in the midst of suffering.

 While in the moment it may not seem like  "light momentary affliction", I am indeed seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Please just pray that the doctor today is kind, good at what she does & helps point us in the right direction.