Marry Song.

I talked to my brother, Aaron and  soon-to-be-sister Ashley yesterday via Facetime (or as I like to call it "Ihavetoomanychinstime"). We talked wedding planning and invites.

The Brewers ran into the Soon-to-be-Sohls at Disneyland. Less than two weeks until we gather under the big top to see them become Mr & Mrs! 

 I have to admit it has me fondly recalling my own nuptials. It's been almost 7 years since Cameron and I tied the knot. Since then I feel like weddings have become even more personalized, more open to interpretation and honestly, cuter. As I search Pinterest for ideas for Ashley, I started thinking about a core part of our wedding: MUSIC.

We had the music planned before we had anything else. We worked and re-worked our list. Aaron sat down with me and arranged the processional music (it included Nick Drake, Randy Rhoads, Foo Fighters and Bach). 

We played our favorites, we chose carefully and of course we walked back down as husband and wife to Everlong. 

Looking through these new wedding websites, I can't help but make a list of songs that I would have played at our wedding if I had known about them/if they had been released. 

Here are a few:

Wonderful (the way I feel)- My Morning Jacket

Rose of my Heart- Johnny Cash

Marry Song- Band of Horses

Romeo and Juliet- Dire Straits

Longing to Belong- Eddie Vedder

And it Stoned Me- Van Morrison (even if it's not a proper love song)

Thirteen- Ben Kweller

You Belong to Me- Bob Dylan

Just Breathe- Pearl Jam

Name in Stone- Dead Man's Bones

Tangerine- Led Zeppelin

Are there any songs that you know now that you wish you would have utilized for your wedding? 

What were they? What songs did you have played at your wedding? 

A quick update!

What have we been up to during this heatwave? Quite a bit actually. Our house is extra hot (we describe our 50 year old apartment unit as the attic to the unit below. We have all the heat), I've been taking the kids all over LA to escape the heat. Here are a few pics with descriptions of what we're doing in the dog days of Summer.

Josiah starts school next week. We went and got his uniform pieces at Dennis' Uniform on San Fernando.
$450 later, I'm thankful that we had the money. Crazy expensive, but he looks pretty stinking cute in his formal Mondays uniform.

Josiah received his capoeira uniform. 

Pretty studly if you ask me.

We've been to the movies more than usual because of the heat.
We love the Arclight. Especially when they have props and set pieces from movies.
This is the house from Paranorman. They also had Norman and his friend. 

Mae is thrilled with the water feature at the mall.

Josiah decided it was okay. He isn't as sold on playing in water like his sister.

Here's Josiah in action at capoeira. I need to do a whole post on it.

This handsome guy took me to Ruth's Chris Steak house just because.

Here's me and my out of control cleavage enjoying dessert.  After our awesome meal of lobster
and steak, we finally saw The Dark Knight Rises.

I have Bane fever.
There is no cure.

Cameron painted the kid's room and I started decorating in
The Fantastic Mr. Fox theme.

My nephew came and spent the night and came to
church with us.

I know, I typically keep it pretty PG around these parts.
I had to use this after finding it right before Cameron got his new  tattoo.

Here we have a lovely family portrait while Cameron  gets the first bit of his
vulture tattoo worked on. His tattoo artist, Jeremy Swan is amazing! 

Here's the finished product! It's inspired by a TCV poster we have.
It's seriously studly.
I suddenly have the urge to have 10 babies with this dude.

Cameron and I found ourselves watching Workaholics. Really not a show
geared towards our demographic. We really like it though. So much so I found the house in Van Nuys.
I like living out here for stupid reasons like this.
Let's get weird.

The Dark Knight stopped by.

Back at the Arclight for Paranorman. I couldn't help but take this picture.
The kids are "between two Bruces". Bruce the shark and Bruce Willis.

The kids always leave with loot from Arclight. This time it was DKR stickers and
The Odd Life of Timothy Green posters.

We headed to Griffith Park.
"It ain't that bad when your mini-horses' doo-doo is dusty."

Josiah's picture of Mae and I on the train.

We rode the train with a polygamous Jewish family.
You seriously never know who or what you will find in LA.

Mae puts her shoes on at The Americana in Glendale.
Major celeb sighting: The dumb boyfriend from Reba. 
He's actually int he blue tank top in the background of this picture.
His wife and little boy are there too.

We found Rolling Robots. You get to battle real robots.

Guess where Josiah wants to have his birthday?

A little break for partying with new friends on the lawn.

I went to a very sweet shower for a very sweet lady from
our church. Her groom to be made a video message for her to watch before she opened gifts.
So sweet.

This cute little beast was there!

We went to Long Beach for Jeremy's 30th birthday!
It's his last as a single man! He gets hitched next month to the
awesome Emily!

Josiah and Mae mosh with the ocean.

Troy brought a cool telescope.

We bought more succulents! Aren't they lovely!?!

OH!!! BIGGEST NEWS OF ALL!!
My little brother Aaron is officially engaged to this beautiful lady!
I can't believe it!
I'm pretty stoked to snag Ashley as a sister!
Ashley Berry sounds pretty rad.


There you have it.
The news from the Brewer compound.

Dave, The Driver, Al Pastore, Church & creepy antique dealers: The Perfect Anniversary weekend.

Let me start with this: 
We had a pretty unconventional anniversary weekend. For the first time we didn't stay in a hotel, we didn't have a fancy dinner somewhere, there were no flowers. 
Despite our lack of tradition, we had a blast. How could we not? 
Friday afternoon we headed towards the Forum. We got there sorta early, but there was a reason for that. I had heard a rumor that Dave had played drums for Cage the Elephant, one of the opening bands. The drummer's appendix had (as Dave put it) "exploded inside his body". I sat eagerly awaiting CTE, but enjoyed Mariachi El Bronx. They happen to be a hardcore band who go by "El Bronx" when they are not sporting traditional mariachi outfits and singing accordingly. We're hoping our neighbors hire them for the next major party that goes down there instead of the other mariachi bands they hire.  CTE took the stage and some guy climbed behind the drums that I didn't know. He managed to play one song and then sat behind a few speakers. The lead singer started to explain: 


"Our drummer's appendix burst and he has to take it easy. So, one of our friends is going to step in for him. He's was the drummer for a band called Scream. His name is David."


I came out of my chair! The Forum wasn't terribly full yet and I was surprised at the lack of enthusiasm over this new drummer. Why should they be so excited? Here's the drummer from Scream:

I'd recognize those nostrils anywhere.

 Like I told Cameron, it's one thing to see the man play guitar and sing, but to watch him on drums is truly incredible. I was glued to it.  We were on our feet as soon as the show started, which is a major commitment seeing as Dave promised a 3 hour show. Oh and Cameron has that whole broken foot thing. I won't review  the whole concert, I'll save that for another post, but it was three hours well spent. 

 Their encore ended up being 7 songs. Yes, seven. They of course ended with the always epic Everlong. I will take this as being sung directly to my husband and I for our 6th wedding anniversary.  

 We left in the post-concert glow. 

Instead of hitting up Denny's or the 24 hour Jack in the Box that everyone was going to, we opted for a taco truck. Kids, let me sing the praises of the yellow taco truck in the middle of the other two on Fair Oaks Ave. It's the best. We both got tacos and sodas and only paid $9. You can't beat that price. The tacos are the tastiest I've ever had and it's a real blast to order food that late at night with several others on the street. I did manage to burn my mouth while eating a roasted jalapeño. That's the price you pay for such awesomeness though.

We slept in a bit on Saturday and then took Earl to eat at Lucky Baldwin's with us. They have a porch in the alley (across the way from the entrance to the Scientology Org, so that's creepy) & it's one of my favorite spots in Pasadena. Cameron got tickets to Drive, which I wanted to see. He was quite shocked by this. I've been trying to stretch myself lately in the entertainment department. Watching stuff that I wouldn't normally. This started last week with my viewing of The Walking Dead. I'm getting brave. I had heard Drive was a fantastic movie. I also knew that Ryan Gosling was in it. Like I told my Dad after he mentioned his lack of love for the RyGos:
 "You weren't a 20 year old girl when The Notebook came out." 
Girls, don't see Drive because you love The Notebook. That's just my advice. See Drive because you want to see a really good movie with an amazing cast, fantastic music and an awesome story. Be prepared to cover your eyes for the last 20 minutes if you're squeamish. You'll still love it. We can't stop talking about it. In fact, I'm totally sold on the few outfits worn by "The Driver" and can't wait to buy Cameron a couple of Henley's. 

Minus the mobster blood.

She was wearing the t-shirt ironically though.

After the intensity of the movie, we actually just drove around (not as cool in a Ford Focus station wagon with kid's seats in it) & ended up antique shopping. We encountered a very odd woman who seemed to want to one-up our musical experience after spotting Cameron's new Foo shirt. She was just strange, there's no putting it nicely. Even telling us that she had seen Foo Fighters so many times and that she had seen Arcade Fire in an Armenian Restaurant. She was like a 55 year old hipster. Trying to make sure she had seen bands we hadn't and heard of CDs we didn't know about. She also tried to make sure that I was aware that she loved Foo Fighters more than us... she clearly had no idea who she was talking to. Also, why do we have to make it a competition? Weird. I'd like to look at my milk glass in peace, honey. We ran for the door (slowly since it was antiques and Cameron has Robocop's boot on).

After grabbing a few things at the grocery store, we ended up back at our glorious mecca for al pastore, Arturo's Taco Truck for dinner. That's how we do. I changed it up a little and ordered their carne asada. We sat in our car, listening to Prarie Home Companion and talking. It was a perfect moment that I couldn't have planned. A perfect little reflection of our new lives in this city. 

I call this collage: HOMAGE TO ARTURO'S

 Sunday morning was church & an incredible sermon from our Pastor. It was nice to spend our actual anniversary worshipping and learning. We're studying Ecclesiastes and it's honestly one of the most incredible sermon series I've ever heard. The whole world needs to hear what God is saying through this series. Our worship team even managed to sing one of my favorites, "In Christ Alone". 

We hiked back to our car (no joke, we parked a couple of blocks away) & ended up driving to Griffith Park. Apparently every other person in LA had the same plan. We couldn't find a place to park, but we decided to come back on Monday (I'll blog about that later).  

We had lunch at Home in Silverlake. It was great food and terrible service. Cameron likes to point out that if all these waiters and waitresses want to be actors and actresses, then they should at least ACT like they want to be good servers. Sadly, that wasn't the case here. I think we'll give it another chance, but c'mon waitress that we had, you haven't won an Oscar yet.

We ended up in a cupcake store in Silverlake (Lark) & did a big cheers with our cupcakes (that sounds oddly dirty...) to celebrate our anniversary. Perfect little ending to a perfect weekend.

I have to say that we've had fun on all of our anniversaries (I think especially of last year's Vegas trip and our 3rd anniversary spent in Seattle). This anniversary just seemed to go smoothly. We didn't even really plan anything, it just worked. We're on the same page, the same "wave-length" as they say and we're a good kind of comfortable. We're best friends who enjoy the same things & clearly this weekend is evidence of that. Right down to our matching Foo Fighters shirts that we wore on Saturday. 

Sorry, there's no photo of that. I was too embarrassed. 

Cheers to six years!

Who is that?!?!

Josiah asked to watch our wedding video earlier today. During the montage of all of us walking down the aisle, Mae asked quite blatantly: 

WHO IS THAT?!?! 

Who was she pointing to you might ask? 

Her own father.

She had no clue it was Cameron. This might as well have been some short-haired (heavily "banged"  mind you) stranger that her mother is marrying in the video. 

This gave me a good laugh and I had to share a couple of comparison pics. :)

Waiting in line for Conan. Feb. 2011.

Getting our marriage on. October 2005. 

Central Park on our Honeymoon. 

She & Him Concert. 2010.

Engagement pics. June 2005.

Date night. July 2011.

"You're a house cat, you're very important and you have little to do."

Or

How I learned to be a good wife and parent from Kate Gosselin 

and Betty Draper.

  

 Could these two TV Moms have anything in common other than just that, being TV Moms? One is a fictional creation of a an upper class 1960's world. Here's the twist: The other is a fictional creation for reality TV in the 2000's. Yes, I'm sorry to say, but Kate Gosselin is as made for TV as Betty Draper. She has created an image, a brand and a TV show all around her children. She's the frazzled mom of 8 who had to pick up the slack from her lazy husband (now ex-husband). Betty is the bored mother of 3 who is frazzled in her attempt at perfection. While Mad Men creator, Matt Weiner has crafted Betty with the help of writers and show development, Kate has written her character over the course of her sextuplets' lives. 




 I had noticed that Kate came back into the spotlight (her favorite place, regardless of what that means for her children). Her show had been canceled and even her most fervent supporters are noticing the cracks in this woman's mental health. She's convinced that she and her children deserve the lifestyle that Jon and Kate Plus Eight provided them and now she wants to go into "television production". Instead of seizing the moment, loving her kids and stepping away, she only wants more.

 We are now on the third season of Mad Men. The sweet, scorned and silent Betty Draper is long gone. She's totally unlikable to me. Fans and critics alike can't quite agree on if she should be acting this way or if her behavior is justified. Her children spend more time with their African-American nanny/housekeeper than their mother. She sends them away with one word and only brings them to her for chastisements. She is severe to her husband, who for a time only wanted forgiveness and reconciliation. 


 These two women have permeated our culture through television. Mad Men is a huge success and continues to garner praise. We are all waiting with baited breath for the next season. Kate has gone from being a little known hero in Christian circles for not "selectively reducing" (can I just say that's the worst phrase ever and I am pleased that she didn't pick and choose her children) her multiples, to being a tabloid punching bag. Remember when she and Jon were on every cover of every magazine? First saying they weren't divorcing and then they were separated and finally, they were divorcing and Jon was off with some young girl?  

Showing the cracks in veneer, 1960.

Showing the cracks in the veneer, 2009.

  Last night it dawned on me that I could learn quite a bit about marriage, family and motherhood from these two. 

1. Appearance is everything.

Betty Draper is falling apart. You'd never know it though. Her house is immaculate, her husband is handsome and successful, she has obedient children, and even perfectly manicured nails. If we were a fly on the wall, which is what the show affords us, we would realize that everything around her is chipping away except her nails. The neighbors will never know though, she has an outfit for everything. Not just for herself, but for her kids and husband. They look great. The united Draper front.

The Gosselin children are always matching. Not only that, but they are constantly matching while wearing GAP Kids, Gymboree or especially made clothes sent by fans (remember the number shirts?). I can't afford to keep just two kids in GAP Kids or Gymboree unless I find a couple pieces on sale. Much less 8 in matching outfits complete with accessories. Did you ever wonder how that happened? For a couple that struggled to provide when the kids were born, they sure were doing well after JK8. Kate would even sell "unworthy" donated items to consignment stores in the area. There's also the whole issue of Kate's evolving look. The worse things got with her home life, the more "done up" she became. While I totally understand her desire to look better after her stomach stretching to contain 6 children, I do fault her with how far it's gone. Even when the charade was still going on with the family being a happy unit, she continued to look more and more "put together". No more stretch pants, no more dirty blonde hair. Appearance was and still is everything while a marriage falls apart and kids are subjected to their every move being filmed. They even upgraded their house to a multi-million dollar mansion that was suppose to isolate them from the paparazzi & curious public. As long as everything is bigger, shinier and newer, nothing can be that bad, right? 

2. Treat your kids like little interruptions to your day and life.

It's one thing when Betty is cold to Don. He's sorta got that coming to him. It's another when she's an ice princess to her children. She's willing to send them to bed hungry, ignore their needs and stick to a nice schedule of nothing but discipline. I do understand that the 60's were a different decade in parenting. Children were to be seen and not heard. But this goes beyond social ideas of child rearing. Betty Draper cannot stand being around her children for very long. She has contempt for them and it breaks my heart. There's an episode where she catches her oldest, Sally smoking a lit cigarette. She punishes her severely and locks her in a closet. Sally weeps and mentions that she misses her father (who has been kicked out of the house). I could only think "How would she know it was wrong? It's all you do? Even while pregnant?" Nothing is Betty's fault. It's everyone else's fault.
Just like our favorite reality TV mom. Kate almost acts like it's the duty of our society to help raise her children. When the sextuplets were first born, they required a state provided nurse due to their premature bodies and special needs. After the initial year was up, Kate went to the government and asked that the state (aka Tax payers) continue to pay for the care of her own children. She expected her parent's (her father is a pastor) church to fill in the needs for cribs, baby clothes etc. She wouldn't take hand-me-downs, only new items. She also gave away (or sold depending on who you ask) cribs for her sextuplets because they didn't all match. To this day, Kate treats her kids like little problems to be managed instead of children to be loved. They aren't allowed to follow her to the kitchen, they can't tell her their problems because that would be seen as "whining", and most importantly they just be loved on by her. She's too frazzled. That's part of the reason I stopped watching the show. She was far too busy pretending to take care of the house (she had a nanny and house keeper that weren't seen on the show) to just "be a mom". Her kids exhausted her and she let them know it. While Betty Draper is often seen sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Don to come home or while the kids run around, Kate was often seen sitting in a white lawn chair while the kids played. Stick a cigarette in her fingers and Kate is a spitting image!






3. Punish your husband for not being a mind-reader. 

We just watched an episode where Don and Betty are whisked away to Rome for two nights by Conrad Hilton. Despite their short time there, they enjoy the two romantic nights and get along famously. When they return home to three children, Don's job and Betty's shenanigans (no spoilers here), she instantly turns her back on Don. She replies to him in a short manner. While in their room, Don reaches out to her, trying to keep the spark alive by reliving their time in Rome. She looks at him and bluntly says "Don't." Don gives her a gift of a charm (the Coliseum) for her charm bracelet. She is practically bristling when she says something about not being able to see all the sites of Rome. Don just stays put, defeated. Don is a man (a Jon Hamm man, if you will), not a psychic. If you wanted your mind read, go see Madame Leota (that's for all you Disney fans out there) and plop down a few bucks. If you want a good marriage, use your mouth and talk.

When Jon and Kate were married, no one could ignore her constant berating of him. This man couldn't even breathe right. He couldn't feed the children right, he couldn't be the right weight, he couldn't build shelves properly. He just couldn't do anything at all without Kate being on him for it. No wonder he lost his mind after they separated. "Sweet, terrible freedom!", he sang while putting on his Ed Hardy shirts! For two people who went around speaking at churches and duping many generous Christians out of their hard earned money, these two couldn't get along for anything. They played the roles of loving Christian husband and wife for several churches, and then asked for cash only "love offerings" after their presentation. It did bother me, even while I was a viewer, that Kate had no respect for her husband while he (Jon is not perfect, but I believe he's better at parenting) actually worked hard and loved his kids the best he could. This couldn't just be a matter of TV editing. There was too much of it. There isn't a Christian woman I know who loves her husband the way we've been called to love him (like Jesus wants us to) that would yell across Toys R Us: "JOONNN!! HELLO!?!?!" How on God's green Earth was he suppose to know what she was thinking? She never told him. When he mentioned that she hurt his feelings and embarrassed him, she shrugged it off and made an excuse for her bad behavior. Kate just assumed Jon should fall in line with the rest of the kids, not come alongside her like a godly husband. That's why he always failed with her. She just assumed he should know. 


I'm sure there are plenty of other comparisons between these two moms. It just had me thinking and questioning what I valued as a parent and wife. How do I build a life for my family that has no comparison to these two women (other than sometimes sporting some wickedly cool vintage duds like Betty and maybe crushin' on Jon Hamm a little)? Here's what I can take from these shows:


1. Appearance means diddly-squat.Your kids are going to look like disaster zones sometimes and your home isn't going to be perfect. You are not always going to be put together. That's okay. While it's really nice to have a clean and organized home (I'm working on that) and matching kids (that I won't subject them to, they are two very different people). Life is not always going to be scheduled, you aren't always going to have the car of your dream,  the house with the white picket fence or the manicured nails. Those aren't the important things. The important things are Jesus, love and a safe place for your family to come and rest. Even if you do have the nice house, the expensive car and nice clothes for your kids, you're not going to be happy because of it. 


2. Children aren't to be managed. That's my major beef with quite a few Christian child-rearing/baby advice books. Children aren't robots to be scheduled, chastised and controlled. Children are little souls who don't just need rules, they need grace. The last thing I want running around my house when I invite all my grown kids back for a Thanksgiving or Christmas is a pharisee. I don't want my own children to annoy me. ;) Kids are to be seen and heard. They are to be cherished, adored and hugged. While Betty is a product of her time, Kate is a product of an impossible ideal of religious perfection. Her children will fall in line because she's the parent! She's so "overwhelmed" by her kids that she can't even deal with them on a one on one basis. She cannot enjoy them, she's too busy organizing them. They are seen as unit, not individuals. They all must need the same attention, food and discipline (I have an inkling of a feeling that she got some of her ideas from some "Christian" parent driven scheduling gurus). Might I remind any of you reading this that there isn't a perfect parent nor is there a perfect way of parenting. 


3. Communicate with your spouse. So basic and yet so incredibly vital. I know that there's a lot of stress in a marriage when you fail to communicate. Don't be so selfish as to think that you're the only one in the marriage that understands things and that you by yourself are hauling all the workload. The whole point of marriage is a partnership to better understand the way God loves us. We aren't getting married to be happy, we're getting married to understand holiness. To sacrifice for the other, to equally submit and love each other. Don and Betty Draper look like Ken and Barbie, but they are miserable. Don't be fooled by the notion of Hollywood love. Realize what true agape love looks like.


Okay ladies, any other parallels you see on TV between famous TV Moms? Roseanne and June Cleaver? Claire Huxtable and Carla Tortelli? Tell me!




P.S. For those of who wonder why I am so Anti-JK+8:
I was once a huge fan of the show. Cameron and I would watch when Josiah was a baby and I was pregnant with Mae. The idea of multiple kids caught my eye and I loved watching cute kids on TV. It was brainless! The longer I watched though, the more something seemed "off". Why would a Christian woman scream at her husband about forgetting a coupon to buy something as they move into their multi-million dollar mansion? Why are these kids so easily upset while some even display signs of depression? I stopped watching the show about 9 months before the bottom fell out of their marriage. I couldn't take it anymore. The appeal of two struggling parents with cute little ones was fading. The show became a commercial for everything from Juicy Juice to a 5-star ski resort in Colorado. It seemed that all of us Christians that love kids so much, seemed to forget that these kids were technically working and had been for most of their lives. They don't know what it's like to live without cameras and strangers in their home. Something was rotten in the state of Pennsylvania... I started to research and found Gosselins without Pity. A blog created by a few women who wanted to bring about change to child labor laws in other states (California has the Coogan Law for child actors). They also wanted to tell the truth (sometimes brutally) about Kate and Jon. For the first time I felt like this wasn't a show I should watch. There's a verse in Luke that says "It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were cast into the sea than that he should cause one of these little ones to sin.". I felt like the Gosselin kids were "little ones" and that what their parents were doing to them was a one big long trail into messed-up adulthood. I pray for them whenever I think about it.